When I was in highschool I used to regularly make myself sick. It began as a thought of 'Oh. I might try this. Just once. Just for now.'. But like most of those 'just once' things it, over the course of a few months, become more and more regular. It soon became after dinner - the only meal I ate and not long after that it become a knee jerk reaction to every time I thought something negative about myself. It didn't even have to be about my body, which was only a size 6 at that time. If I was overwhelmed with an assessment that I thought I was too stupid to ever comprehend I would just go into the bathroom and rid myself of everthing. It felt right to punish myself. Almost 4 years later it still feels right to punish myself. And, although the method has changed, I still do punish myself.
I realise this is a rather heavy way to open a blog. But any other way felt disingenuine. I'm not here to showcase my wardrobe. I'm here to push myself well and truly out of my comfort zone in the hope that this may no longer control my life as it has for the past almost 21 years.
